Of Broken Hearts and Shattered Dreams

This week in the tunnel (the place where campus clubs can set up displays) SHIP (the student health initiative program) set up its display on how to keep you life balanced while at school. This group does many laudable things including giving students tips on de-stressing, eating properly and cheaply, and staying fit. However, their biggest focus (from what I can see; I've never used their services) is on "sexual health" and that bothers me, especially since my tuition dollars go to fund this organization (and I have no choice but to pay these fees.)

The goal of their sexual health services is to keep university students healthy by teaching them "safe sex" methods, giving STD information and helping students find the "right contraception for you." Obviously as a Catholic I have serious moral issues with that, but that's not what I want to talk about with this post. I recently ran across this article talking about the "Hook-up Culture" on campuses. The premise of the article is that scientific evidence can demonstrate the severe psychological impact of "no-strings sex" on college age people. The article suggests that rising infidelity among young couples can be directly traced to the years of casual sex that occur for many people in the college years. From the article:

"There are many possible explanations for that shift, but the habits of heart cultivated by today's hook-up culture qualify as a leading culprit. It's hard to imagine better preparation for adultery than years of emotionally detached, random sexual couplings. And the "marriage-lite" solution embraced by growing numbers of cohabiting young couples -- many of whom are refugees from the hook-up culture and too skittish for marriage -- may exacerbate the problem, as the temporary mindset they learn in their live-in romances transfers to their marriages."

I've been on a university campus for the last 6 years and I can attest to the hook-up culture that permeates college life. From what I've seen in law, and from what I've heard from friends in other professional colleges (med, vet med, etc) that hook-up culture gets worse the longer you spend at university. It also seems to be correlated with the amount of alcohol consumed- the more you drink, the more casual sex you have. I fear for my generation every time I attend a law school event. It's a small college, and on Monday gossiping about who hooked up with who is the thing to do. I've also seen the physical and mental harm this behavior causes. Friends nurse broken hearts when they find out their boyfriend cheated on them Friday night because they were here and he got drunk and didn't realize what he was doing. I've seen friends cry because they guy they hooked up with never called them back and ignores them whenever they try to talk to him. I have no idea what the long term effect of this will be on their psyche, but as the article says "emerging consensus among experts that today's anything-goes campus sexual mores carry lasting consequences we only have begun to understand. And those consequences extend well beyond unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases." I don't want that to be true for my friends, but I think it might be.

And yet, as this article mentions at the very bottom, there is hope. Some of my generation are rebelling against this culture of hook-up sex and booty calls by creating campus groups that pledge chastity. The founders and members of those groups are decidedly countercultural, but they bring great hope and joy to me. I don't want to see my friends and family ruin their lives and marriages because society tells them that casual sex is harmless fun. In some ways, the rebels of my generation are formed directly out of the rebels of my parents generation (the sexual revolution generation). We have seen the results of the free-love ways of our parents, and we don't like them. Many grew up with parents who fought then finally divorced, or parents who committed adultery or parents who just weren't there. Consciously or unconsciously we've recognized that sex for the sake of sex doesn't make you happy, and so we refuse to buy into society's "safe sex" message. And just as we have to fight the pro-life revolution and be witnesses and examples, we need to do the same in our personal lives.

I thank God that we have that chance, and I pray we will be successful, for our sake and the sake of our children.

Ahhh Secularism

I ran across a very interesting article in the paper the other day, and I find myself very amused by it. Not the topic of the article at all; that I find beautiful, but the fact that it is news at all. It's a short article about a man and women who shared their first kiss ever at the altar last Saturday. The couple both teach abstinence in the Chicago Public School System.

I did some searches on the article, and on many news websites, the article is posted in the "News of the Weird" section. Really? Has our society gone so far down the path of secularism that a couple who saves physical intimacy for marriage is viewed as "weird"?

I know the idea of not kissing before marriage may seem a trifle "out there" but it's more common (at least in Catholic relationships) than you might think. Without trying hard, I can think of three couples who've married in the last few years who shared their first kiss at the altar. I think it's beautiful. It's all part of the idea of courtship. Courtship is the idea of getting to know someone with marriage in mind. It begins with the understanding that sex is something special and sacred that should be shared only between a married couple. I can't speak for the couple in the article, but I can say that the courtship model is one that all Catholic's should follow in searching for a spouse. It saves a lot of the hurt and pain the current dating model produces.

I just wish that the secular world could see the beauty in the Catholic teachings on sex and marriage. They are there to keep everyone happy and healthy, in mind, body and soul. If the world could see that, women wouldn't be degraded through pornography, and children wouldn't be viewed as a punishment. But that perfect world is a long ways away. However, as long as there are couples out there who live their faith, we will do ok. And if it has to end up in the "News of the Weird" at least people are hearing that people do live the counter-cultural life we are called to. Congrats Mr. and Mrs. Fabien! Many prayers for your long and happy marriage!

The Dignity of the Person

An Australian "artist" presented a display of his photographs in New York City after having ignited a furor over his work published in an Australian magazine. Why the controversy? His exhibition contains nude photographs of underage young girls. Some people have claimed that the images are pornography, he and the magazine claim they are art, and that the girl's parents gave consent for the photographs to be taken. For detailed facts, read this.

The debate over pornography vs. art is a long one, and gets even more heated when you are talking about images of children- do they constitute child pornography? If they do, then the images are criminal and an offence in the Criminal Code. The Supreme Court, in R. v. Sharpe [2001] 1 SCR 45, held that freedom of expression in s 2(b) of the Charter does not extend to cover child pornography. As a society, we have decided that child pornography is wrong, but in the wake of changes to the social mores of the Western world, I wonder how long that will last.

I believe that our society is increasingly sexualizing children, especially girls at a young age. It's an interesting shift from how things "used to be." Our modern, progressive society is horrified that we used to treat children as miniature adults. During the industrial revolution (and before) they held jobs at an early age, and helped to provide for their families. We've now passed child labor laws to prevent that, so we can let kids just be kids. Or have we just exchanged one type of miniature adults for another one?

An example of this can be seen in girl's fashions. We put little girls in clothes that emphasize their sexuality; their clothes reveal "assets" that haven't even developed yet, and we market make-up and beauty tools to increasingly younger and younger children. We ask the girls to dress older, look old, to embrace their sexuality, and then we toss up our hands and wonder why my generation and the younger generation have so many issues. Why do we feel the need to take the innocence of our children so early? Why do we want to erase and destroy that spirit and turn it into an adult with adult issues and problems? Why has our society launched an all out war on the dignity of the human person?

I think this really began in the 1960's. During the sexual revolution, everyone was encouraged to do whatever felt right. Women were to shake off the oppression of men and indulge in sex on their own terms. This was supposed to be empowering. Here we are 40 years later, and that long dark road has all but erased the dignity of the human person, and as the debate around child pornography continues, we are erasing that dignity at an earlier age. This is not empowerment, it is objectification. Popular music all but screams this objectification, calling women ho's and bitches to be slapped around. Any man who opens a door or acts with any chivalry is mercilessly mocked, or is accused of chauvinism.

Sex has been trivialized, mocked and abused, much like the dignity of the men and women who engage in it so freely. Its beauty has been denied in popular culture, and this has cheapened and degraded everyone. If, as a society, we recognized and appreciated the dignity of every person, inherent in them because we are created in God's image and likeness, how many of society's ills would fix themselves? How many marriages would last and how many children would be allowed to keep their innocence and not grow up faster than they should? How many children would be allowed to live? How many vulnerable people would be allowed, not only to live, but to share their special gifts and graces with us all?

This may all sound pie in the sky, and it maybe is, but I just want everyone to stop and think when they read the news, watch TV or read a magazine. Is Mr. Henson's photography child porn or art? The court seems to think it's art, but maybe, just maybe, we shouldn't be allow the court to make our decisions for us; we should stop to think for ourselves; is what we are reading or watching demonstrating the dignity of every human, or is it destroying it?

If you want to see what started this rather random, incoherent rant, read this.